We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
