i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize