But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
