I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
