I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
