the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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