While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
