Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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