kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
