The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
