i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
