I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
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