Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
