So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
be right there i have to get my cape
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
