so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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