Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
