WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's never too late to be topless.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
