Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
