What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
