I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
it's great music for shaving your balls
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
