You're so nebulous sometimes
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
