apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
