I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
