So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
