My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
