Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize