I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think my vagina is haunted
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
