You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
