This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
