The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
