so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
