new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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