YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
