I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
