I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
