I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
