She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize