In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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