You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
