she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
