apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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