Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
