i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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