so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
