Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
