He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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