I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
