this will be a night to untag.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
