My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
