On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
