i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You ate ashes out of my bong
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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