batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
