did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
