You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
