So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
