So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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