The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
