dude i'm inner monologue high
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
