It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It was confusing and full of hummus
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
