Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize