I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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