Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
