I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
