Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
