i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
