I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
