Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i believe in u and ur pee
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