Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
