I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize