a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
