shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
