He asked to "fluff my boner.."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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