just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
