No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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