god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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