singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
