new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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