I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Randomize
