Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
